Heima (Home) [2009!]..?

H E I M A

Walking down on the foggy, frosted roads of desolation after a night of ecstasy, bewilderment, alienation, heartbreak and adrenaline where does one go to rest the destruction? Where is home? The alcohol within me leads me the wrong way. The flashing lights of the highway look promising, cars flying down, driven by the wasted, driving on the ice and crashing into the wasteland, the wreckage of a generation forgotten. I turn around reluctantly and head home, or at least where I think it is. I’ll take the shorter way. But the guardians are sleeping, the hounds wake up to my hurried movements and they have bigger teeth than me. The dogs are barking away from the highway as I try to scale the fence to get home, they sense what is inside me, an impure feeling of greed, something is not right within, and the street dogs have found it, they reject me with foaming mouths and ferocious growls. I choose flight. I’ll have to go all the way around, the longer way.
I could crash any moment. The pavements look inviting and the alleys call out to me. What is the chance that I will wake up in the morning if I collapse here? The ill-lit street is nearly deserted, I walk as fast as I can, there are a few people at odd corners, draped in a shawl and waiting. Waiting for god knows what at one-thirty in the morning. But there is an unmistakable look of expectation and hope in their eyes as they look suspiciously at me. Maybe I shouldn’t have left, I am on the edge of my conscious horizon and a few more minutes at the party would have thrown me over. But I want to stay on the edge, from the edge you can see so much more. I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the centre. Kurt Vonnegut said that. God rest his soul. A good night? Perhaps, if I could just leave my confused fucking problems and issues that make no sense to me but still pull me back into depression. A rotten start to the year nonetheless. There was a better start to the year last time and the year turned out to be rotten. This time a rotten start to a great year? I fucking hope so.